i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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