I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
