Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
