He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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