im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
