How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
