we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
