Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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