East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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