the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's shark week go big or go home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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