ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
