the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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