Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
