I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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