Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
