Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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