I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's just like the Real World with babies
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
