Me. At least after what I've been through.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
