i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Panties = found
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
