So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
