If i come over, it means nothing
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
