should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
