Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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