you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
