Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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