Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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