i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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