Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
