there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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