turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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