dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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