your parents love me but you hate me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize