you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
