On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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