Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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