She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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