Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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