I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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