I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
