dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
