I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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