dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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