i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
