Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You left your phone here
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