i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
