I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
