Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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