Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
