Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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