I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
