I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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