i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
