I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
