You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
