Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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