Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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