She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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