i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
