I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
