i already hear my dad disowning me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pants are for mortals
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
