I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
