Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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