so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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