No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
