Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Im part way to drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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