Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
