I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
