he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
