Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
