The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
