Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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