he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
