Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
