i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
