I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
